Elusive or Expressive?
A Tightrope Walk to Emotional Well Being
Usha Krishnan Consultant Psychologist, Life Coach, N.L.P Trainer New Delhi
Emotions are the gateways that helps us define and express the many ripples, waves, and undertones present in the mind’s constant flow of thoughts and feelings. The word “emotion” originated from the Latin word “emovere” which means “to move, move out, or move through.” An emotion is often defined as a complex state of feeling that results in physical and psychological changes influencing one’s thoughts and behaviour.
These changes that occur as a result of our emotions enable us to move or change physically, to move out of a state of mind or place, and to practice moving through our current thought processes and circumstances. Some emotions move us a lot, sometimes into thoughts or places we then have to try to move out of. Other emotions are less complicated and easier to move through.
Life is a tightrope walk in which we have to balance our needs with those of our family, friends, and colleagues. When properly balanced, emotional well-being is easier to ensure, which in turn will help us to attain physical well-being as well. Emotional Wellbeing is defined as “a positive sense of wellbeing which enables an individual to be able to function in society and meet the demands of everyday life; people in good mental health have the ability to recover effectively from illness, change, or misfortune.”
In short, emotional wellbeing measures our ability to adapt and react positively to life’s ever- changing circumstances. This ability is influenced by how we think, feel, and relate to ourselves and others, by how we interpret the world around us, and by how positively we engage with the world and the people in it.
‘Man is by nature a social animal.’
by Aristotle
People by nature prefer not to be isolated, and it is difficult for us to exist without interacting with others. But at the same time, it cannot be denied that each one of us is an entity unto itself. The famous Psychologist Carl Rogers said, “Each person is an island by himself in a very real sense and he can only build bridges to other islands if he is first of all willing to be himself and permitted to be himself.“ If we are able to understand this concept, and act
accordingly, this in itself would be a tremendous step forward for those struggling to maintain emotional wellbeing through better interpersonal relationships. In other words, respecting each person’s individuality, creating space for people to be authentic, and being true to yourself can be a beacon of light for us in the journey to cementing a great platform of emotional wellbeing within ourselves and among our near and dear ones.
Expressing our emotions is not always easy, but effective communication plays a vital role in creating and preserving emotional wellbeing as it promotes good interpersonal relationships. For example, in conversations and verbal interactions it is important to modify your phrasing and tone to fit the circumstances, the individuals involved, and the mood or receptivity of the other participants. Ask yourself whether it is the right time and place to express your emotions, and if the audience be receptive or at all interested.
‘To be elusive or expressive?’ This question arises in my mind on many occasions when communicating with family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers out in society; and maintaining a balancing between being elusive or expressive can be difficult for many of us. Furthermore, our ability to maintain inner calm and emotional wellbeing can be greatly affected by our success or failure to do so.
On being Elusive and Expressive So how do we know when the expression of our emotions is welcome or not? It isn’t so simple and in fact not knowing when or how to be expressive or elusive can cause disharmony in a relationship. Here, being elusive means choosing not to express your emotions or not to react to some situation. Being expressive, on the other hand, means pouring out one’s emotions or voicing one’s opinions or views. The following three words are like a magic wand for me, to help me find the demarcation between being elusive and expressive, and have been the catalysts for me achieving emotional wellbeing.
“Equip, Encourage and Empower.”
Equip – Equipping oneself with various skills such as speaking, listening, and asking. When we speak eloquently we are more effectively able to express our opinions and ideas. When we listen attentively and ask pertinent questions, we give the speaker the confidence to continue, secure in the knowledge that they are being heard.
There is a common saying that the word silent is hidden in the word listen. If we practise the art of silently listening to anyone who approaches us to share their feelings, the bonds of that relationship can be strengthened. Encourage – Encouraging ones’ self and others highlights the ideas of nurturing better relationship through accepting, appreciating, apologizing, acknowledging, expressing gratitude, bringing a happy atmosphere, being flexible, throwing pleasant surprises and most of all by enlivening the whole environment with a hearty smile throughout.
Empower – The third word, Empower, conveys that if we are empowered to embrace the imperfections of others, and to act or adjust our thoughts and feelings accordingly, we will be well equipped to build up long-lasting healthy relationships. However, although these three words help me understand the individual power of being elusive or expressive, they are only fully effective when we comprehend when it is appropriate to be elusive or expressive in our interactions and dealings with our family, our friends, relatives and our colleagues. There are many occasions of us to keep quiet, and there are also occasions for us to express our opinions and perspectives boldly, bust most of all it is the balance that is important.
“All power is within you, you can do everything and anything.”
By Swami Vivekananda
Let us recall these words and try to be well balanced between elusiveness and expressiveness in order to bring harmony and symphony to our lives and to spread the same to each and every one around us.
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